Archive for September, 2009

someday

September 25, 2009

a song currently stuck in the back of my head…Can’t help it with the words. Just kind of connects to me now. 🙂

You can go
You can start all over again
You can try to find a way to
make another day go by
You can hide
Hold all your feelings inside
You can try to carry on when all
you want to do is cry

And maybe someday
We’ll figure all this out
Try to put an end to all our doubt
Try to find a way to make
things better now and
Maybe someday we’ll live
our lives out loud
We’ll be better off somehow Someday

Now wait
And try to find another mistake
If you throw it all away
then maybe you can change your mind
You can run, oh
And when everything is over and done
You can shine a little light on
everything around you
Man it’s good to be someone

And maybe someday
We’ll figure all this out
Try to put an end to all our doubt
Try to find a way to make
things better now and
Maybe someday we’ll live
our lives out loud
We’ll be better off somehow Someday
And I don’t want to wait
I just want to know
I just want to hear you tell me so
Give it to me straight
Tell it to me slow

Cause maybe someday
We’ll figure all this out
We’ll put an end to all our doubt
Try to find a way to just
feel better now and
Maybe someday we’ll live
our lives out loud
We’ll be better off somehow Someday

Cause sometimes we don’t really notice
Just how good it can get
So maybe we should start all over
Start all over again

Cause sometimes we don’t really notice
Just how good it can get
So maybe we should start all over
Start all over again

my essay…

September 22, 2009

Righttt, here i am and my mind goes blank. When im not infront of my laptop, lots of things i want to type down. The words i have that automatically phrases itself in my mind are all lost in thin air. It always does that. Hate it. I might as well, type what i could now. i have too. I need it out of my system.

I know lots of people say, People with blogs are usually the open-book type of people. I believe I seldom am. I don’t state much about my down happenings. Just exciting, interesting things and pictures. Some are even random. But I guess, for this, it is an exception. And yes I am being and open with this.

I feel the change. I really do now. I thought things would be better. But now, the feel gets to me. I don’t know what to say. I can’t seem to say anything. I don’t even want to say anything. I worry it comes back and bite me in the end. But then, it weighs on me. How do I even get straight to the point when all the time I speak up, I would be rebut with something better from her. Not only am I the only one feeling the different. Even two other people. Hate every minute being around in there.

Wish I would be somewhere instead of being in there??? Not really actually. I no longer go out socially. Other then work, I don’t even meet others. No idea. Lately, I just prefer to be coop up and read a book. I guess, it’s sort of a getaway from all things. Ever since I got back from China, I went out once only for social drinks. All this while, I just stayed in. Pathetic? Yes.

Then again, I’m human. I determine myself to be the best, but I would fail to be the best. Sad? No. Because I am not perfect. I will keep trying because people win some and lose some. I realised I am predictable. Because, for every attempt I say I try to be great at, I will fail in it. I am easily predicted after awhile. Because I fall back to my old ways. People do, don’t they? They tell themselves, they are better now, but after awhile, they could just fall back. We can make them feel guilty of their actions. But what makes us different to those people who look down on us? Sometimes I wonder, am I any different from them? I have no answer to my own answer. Pathetic? No. Sad? Yes.

When I think of it, I have goals in life. But am I working towards it while ignoring everything else around me? Yes? No?

The trials and tribulations faced in private…